My name is Aleks. I’m a soon to be 24 year old male to female transgender girl. I’ve battled gender dysphoria most of my life & I’m now two years into my gender transition both medically, legally & socially. As they say a picture is worth a thousand words. But both pictures above represent a very unique & rare story. The one is of a very confused & depressed “little boy” & the other is of a girl who always lived hidden inside.
But what most people couldn’t begin to fathom was just what it took to bring me into the world. After my parents got married they decided they wanted to try & start a family by having a baby. Unfortunately it didn’t work out. Little did they know what an obstacle that would soon become. My mom was diagnosed with unexplained infertility. It was her biggest dream to become a mom. It took my parents seven years (1989-1996) of fertility treatments to have me. Everything ranging from fertility medications, shots, vitamins, hormones, experimental surgeries & two failed rounds of IVF. As a last hope option my mom was given the rarest & most invasive infertility treatment of all. It was a procedure/surgery known as ZIFT.
That stands for Zygote inter fallopian transfer. It’s very expensive & invasive with a low success rate. They told my parents they’d have a better chance of winning the lottery. But my mom decided to go for it. Out of 8 total eggs only one fertilized. They were crushed. My dad talked my mom into going for it. After a few weeks a miracle occurred & my mom was pregnant.
Growing up I always felt off. I identified as female & felt like a girl in my heart, soul & brain. I was uncomfortable in my own body & Expected gender role. My personality was much more female than male & I was secretly attracted to everything feminine. Relating with women was way easier. When I’d go to bed at night I’d pray for two things. It was to either be a girl or make my discomfort with my body & gender go away. As I entered my teen years the medical/psychological aspects of gender dysphoria kicked in. I did everyone to run away from who I was until it no longer worked.
Through all the depression, anxiety & stress, at my lowest point I decided one night to end it all. While in the midst of that hopeless action I realized how could I end this gift of life I was given? In all honesty it’s a one in a million shot for me to even be here. I decided if the worst thing in life is that I’m transgender I can handle it. I had a revelation in that moment that everyone has a reason for being on this earth & something hard to deal with. I was born strong. That night I went on YouTube & was inspired by others transition stories & learned a lot on gender dysphoria from googling. From there I made an appointment with a therapist, started hormone replacement therapy & have grown into the strong young woman I truly was inside. It hasn’t been without obstacles but I’m blessed to come from a loving, supportive, & helpful family. It’s something I don’t take for granted. Everyday is now a blessing & I’m very grateful to be here. It is my goal to spread love, support & hope within the trans community. By sharing our stories we can educate others, overcome discrimination & help our struggling trans siblings. I’m not an activist. Ultimately I’m just an average trans girl with a unique story & a big heart. Social media such as Reddit & Instagram has allowed me to help & connect with other trans people. It’s the most rewarding & best feeling in the world.
I chose pride month to share my story because it’s an honor to be apart of the LGBT community. There are amazing people doing great things. I hope by sharing my story & adding my voice to the conversation that it can give someone hope that’s where I was a few years ago. If I could give that little boy in the picture advice it would be this. “You’re a lot stronger than you think & you’re not alone”. I think as humans we are all on our own journey to finding internal happiness. We all only live one life. It’s important to be happy, healthy, & live authentically. Being trans doesn’t define me it’s just apart of me & it’s nothing to be ashamed of. To the entire LGBT community please know I love you, support you, & care about you. You’re worth living & it does get better. We’re all in this together. Happy pride 2020
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